As requested by missingkitsune. :)
If Kyoraku decided to live tweet his very first day as the new head captain, this might be the result!
—I just got appointed as head captain
#they sent me a letter #not a butterfly #a letter #i guess that makes me special
—People always told me that if I was lazy and drunk all the time, I would never get anywhere
#and by “people” #I mostly mean dear sweet Nanao-chan
—Turns out that strategy will get you appointed as head captain
#either that or it was the cool eye patch #central-46 can’t resist an eye patch
—I am a bit worried though, given Central-46’s track record
#previous decisions include #exiling the visored #wanting Ichigo dead #putting Aizen in prison
—Does getting chosen by Central-46 mean that I am a bad choice for head captain?
#man I hope Yama-jii left a note or something
—I suppose I shouldn’t think that way. The job is mine. I have to make do.
#it’s what Yama-jii would want
—I hope Yama-jii left some sort of a handbook
—A guide for being a head captain
—Because it may be the panic talking, but the only head captain things I’m sure of are 1) don’t cut your eyebrows 2) call meetings at bad times 3) rescue Hisagi
—And I’m not even sure I can grow eyebrows that long
#tbh, I’ve never cut mine #they’re still pretty short #maybe there is a secret head captain growth formula
—shit i just told nanao that she might not get to be my lieutenant anymore
#why did I do that #I’m going to try to keep her #why did I have to worry her when nothing’s settled yet #i don’t like to worry her
—time to go see Central-46
#get myself in head captain mode #i can do this #i have a hat #and a flowery kimono
—wow I can’t believe Central-46 is making me wait
#like what other business do they have? #what do they do anyway #these are things a head captain should know
—I suppose I should figure out what I’m going to say
#I need to convince them to let me have 2 lieutenants #and maybe have good ideas for winning this war #in that order
#time to get this show on the road
—I’ve decided to try just telling them that I’m going to have 2 lieutenants
#that seems like a head captainy thing to do #yama-jii never asked permission
—ooooh they don’t like that idea
#there’s like a million of them #doing nothing #and they have problems with 2 lieutenants? #did kensei send them a fruit basket or something?
—Method #2: use their own laws against them
#thank goodness for Nanao-chan’s rule book!
—And success! I am going to have two lieutenants
#I will not leave Nanao-chan behind #unless something dangerous is happening #of course
—“Kenpachi is too dangerous to be trained.” are you serious? have you met Ichigo
#kenpachi is simple #want him to not revolt? #let him fight #ichigo is a 17 year old teenager #waaaay more dangerous
—“Yamamoto thought it too dangerous to train him.” yes but yamamoto also refused to get his arm healed and kept leaving Unohana out of fights
#i love him #but infallible he isn’t
—oh man I’m glad they went for that. otherwise i’d have felt bad about making unohana stand in the shadows for all that time
#a fight to the death she’s cool with #but I feel like waiting might make her grumpy
—Two lieutenants: check. Ideas for the war: check. I’m on a head captain roll
—although if I put unohana and kenpachi in a cage to fight…probably one of them will die
—so on my first day of head captain, I’m going to kill one of my subordinates
—and - let’s be real here - it’ll probably be unohana, who is my elder and the best healer we have aside from Inoue Orihime
—Am i doing the right thing? am I cut out for this? am I going to get us all killed? and seriously can I grow out my eyebrows?
—man I hope that eyebrows feed on stress