As requested by anon. :) And also tolpen49. ;)
As a classics grad student and Bleach enthusiast, I feel that I have been waiting for this list my whole life. So, which Bleach character would be which ancient Greek god?
1. Zeus: Yamamoto
Zeus is the king of the gods, ruler of the sky, and wielder of the thunderbolt. He’s the biggest of the Big Three (the 3 gods who divided up control of the world). He spends his time running meetings on Mt. Olympos, helping heroes, and having sex with anything that moves. Yamamoto is king of the soul reapers and wields fire, which is kinda like a thunderbolt. Unfortunately for him, since sex is off the table, he spends all of his time running meetings and helping heroes.
Ukitake: There’s also a story about how Zeus had to be tricked away from a battlefield so that the other gods could help their friends! Which is kinda like you and I leading Yamamoto away so that Ichigo and them could save Rukia!
Kyoraku: …you mean the time that Hera SEDUCED Zeus away from Troy?
Ukitake: So it’s not a perfect parallel.
2. Hades: Aizen
Hades is lord of the underworld (=Hueco Mundo) and the second of the Big Three. His name means “the unseen one” because you never see Hades unless he wants you to. He is most famous for kidnapping a girl and taking her to the underworld, which caused all manners of problems for him. Whenever he appears in art (which isn’t often), he’s shown sitting on a giant throne.
Barragan: Um…how am *I* not Hades?
Aizen: Because unlike you, Hades is immortal.
3. Poseidon: Shinji
Poseidon is the god of the ocean and the last of the Big Three. Like all water deities, he is tricky and changeable. He’s a pretty nice guy if you get him in a good mood, but a total asshole if you make him mad. He’s kinda into vengeance - which often involves him turning your ship upside down. Oh, and when you’re on the ocean, you are in his domain, and he makes ALL the rules.
Shinji: I can’t help but think that BLG was overly influenced by that chAnge opening that showed Yamamoto, Aizen, and I standing back to back.
BLG: YOU ARE THE BIG THREE
4. Hera: Soi Fon
Hera is the goddess of marriage and fertility, although really she spends all of her time seeking vengeance any time anyone pisses her off. In particular, Hera gets super mad any time anyone has sex with Zeus - even though it is never the lady’s fault, Hera always targets the lady for vengeance. Because that lady is messing up Hera’s OTP. You know, kinda like how Soi Fon locked a dude in a box for a month for taking away the woman she loves.
Soi Fon: Although in retrospect turning him into a cow and then sending a gadfly to torment him would have been better.
Soi Fon: Heeeeey, Hachigen?
5. Athena: Unohana
Athena is the goddess of war and wisdom. Like Ares, she’s a fighter, but unlike Ares, she’s a smart fighter. She’s also the helper of heroes, and mostly turns up to make sure that they make it through their quest okay. So she has a dual nature, much like Unohana, the fighter/healer.
Unohana: I wasn’t born from anyone’s head, though. That would just be weird.
6. Ares: Kenpachi
Ares is the god of war: and in particular, of the frenzy of war. Ares is the guy who rushes in yelling and starts hacking everybody to pieces with no plan. He’s super macho, and fighting is his absolute favorite thing in the world.
Kenpachi: Yup. Seems about right.
7. Apollo: Rose
Apollo is the god of light, music, poetry, prophecy, and plague. Basically he’s super hot and likes all things artsy - although he will make you and your entire army die of the plague if he gets mad. Rose, of course, is music and poetry guy. And his hollow mask looks like a plague doctor’s mask, so he even has that aspect.
Rose: AND I can predict things! Watch this!
Rose: Ichigo…will save Soul Society.
Rose: Chills, am I right?
8. Artemis: Halibel
Artemis is the goddess of the hunt. She’s a virgin goddess who spends all of her time running around in the woods with her band of lady followers, and she does not like men. She’s both the protectress of animals and a hunter, because protecting animals doesn’t mean you don’t understand the necessity of also sacrificing them.
Halibel: Gin tried to watch me bathing once. I thought about turning him into a stag and letting him get torn apart by dogs, but I didn’t want to offend Apacci.
9. Aphrodite: Yoruichi
Aphrodite is the goddess of sex. She’s absolutely, drop dead gorgeous and likes to get naked. She also likes to mess with people - making the gods fall in love just to prove she can is one of her favorite activities.
Yoruichi: Goddes of sex, eh? I guess that explains why everyone I meet develops a crush on me!
Byakuya: I didn’t develop a crush on you.
Yoruichi: You’re cute when you’re in denial, Byakuya-boy.
10. Persephone: Orihime
Persephone is most famous for getting kidnapped by Hades and taken to the underworld. And now she’s queen of the dead, although she actually spends most of her year above ground, and only about four months in Hades.
Orihime: I’m, um, not entirely comfortable with the implication that I’m supposed to marry Aizen.
BLG: So it’s not a perfect arrangement.
11. Demeter: Rukia
Demeter is the goddess of agriculture. But she is most famous for getting very, very upset when her daughter got kidnapped and taken to Hades, and for doing everything she could to get her back. She also spent a lot of time among humans, disguised as a human. She tried to make one of the humans immortal, but only succeeded in making him super hot and powerful.
Rukia: And when Demeter was among the humans, she was basically a babysitter.
12. Hephaestus: Kukaku
Hephaestus is the god of the forge. He’s the craftsman god, who can make anything, and is always surrounded by fire and explosions. Also he is lame. Kukaku is also an inventor and purveyor of explosives, and although she isn’t lame, she doe have a false arm.
Kukaku: Also Hephaestus was thrown out of Olympus, so that fits.
Yoruichi: But he did get to marry Aphrodite!
Kukaku: You know it.
13. Hestia: Sasakibe
Hestia is the goddess of the hearth. She is super boring and never, ever moves from her spot.
Sasakibe: Yeah, okay, fair.
14. Dionysus: Kyoraku
Dionysus is the god of wine. He’s a huge fan of drunkenness and of women. He’s also got a feminine side, and often gets to wear feminine clothing. You know, like Kyoraku’s pink kimono.
Kyoraku: And I have the power to drive ladies craaazy! Right, Nanao-chan??
Nanao: I said no talking until you finish your report!
Kyoraku: …Dionysus has all the luck.
15. Hermes: Urahara
The day after Hermes was born, he stole Apollo’s cattle. When Apollo complained, Hermes held out his little baby hands and said, “Me? How could I steal your cattle? I’m just a little baby! I don’t even know what ‘cattle’ are!” Later he and Apollo made up, after Hermes gave Apollo the lyre that he had invented. As a baby. Hermes, basically, is the most clever and tricky of the gods. He’s also a guide - in particular, a guide to the underworld (garganta, anyone?).
Shinji: And just for the record, man, nobody believed Hermes’ “I’m just a baby” excuse any more than anyone believes your “I’m just a shopkeer” excuse.
Urahara: Yes but he was so adorable that he didn’t get in trouble anyway.
Urahara: So it all worked out!