As requested by anon. :)
News has just spread around the Seireitei that Soi Fon is going to have a baby! Bleach characters, what are your thoughts?
Omaeda: I AM NOT THE FATHER!
Soi Fon: Nobody suspected that you were, you moron!
Ichigo: You know, I’ve always wondered how Soul Society pregnancies work.
Ichigo: Do they last a super long time because aging in Soul Society is so slow?
Ichigo: Or is it fast because babies have some sort of development shunpo?
Ichigo: Or maybe it’ll be extra fast because it’s a Squad 2 ninja speed baby!!!
Ishida: You don’t know how pregnancy works, do you, Kurosaki?
Ukitake: I just hope that somebody is making that baby a tiny ninja outfit. Because that would be the most adorable thing in the universe.
Ishida: …I’ll get right on it.
Yoruichi: Congratulations, Soi Fon!
Yoruichi: I know you will make a fine mother!
Yoruichi: My only advice is: don’t leave the kid for a hundred years. Apparently that leads to “issues.”
Soi Fon: DON’T SAY THAT LIKE IT’S A SURPRISE!!
Nanao: Okay, we need to throw Soi Fon an awesome WSRA baby shower! Because god knows if we leave it up to Suqd 2, the baby will just get weapons.
Soi Fon: Yes, let’s avoid giving my infant child weapons.
Soi Fon: I really want her to learn hand-to-hand combat first.
Byakuya: I *thought* Soul Society seemed more noble of late.
Byakuya: Soi Fon being with child explains it.
Byakuya: I will acquire a tiny scarf o’ nobility immediately.
Urahara: Soi Fon! That is wonderful news! Will I get to babysit?
Soi Fon: If you get within ten feet of my child, I will kill you.
Urahara: Godfather then?
Kyoraku: The moment that baby begins to crawl, it’s gonna be a handful.
Kyoraku: Because I’m guessing that a child of Soi Fon will have flash step capabilities as a baby - and so will be hard to catch!
Kyoraku: Especially if she’s wearing an adorable ninja outfit.
Ukitake: IT WILL BE SO ADORABLE!