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66 notes

Bleach characters, the unseated officers have gone on strike! How do you respond?


As requested by anon. :)


Below the captains and the lieutenants and the seated officers are the *unseated* officers. We don’t see them much, with the exception of original Rukia. But what if all of those unseated officers decided to go on strike? How would Bleach characters react?


Rose:


Rose: We have unseated officers?


Rose: What on earth have they been doing this whole time??


Kira: Dying mostly.


Rose: You don’t see that stopping any of the rest of us from showing up to work!


Komamura: But why would they go on strike?


Tosen: Lack of benefits, low pay, the whole “dying like flies” thing…


Komamura: …oh. Good reasons, then.


Kenpachi: Who cares why they’re striking?


Kenpachi: This is awesome! More fights for the rest of us!


Yumichika: Were they really taking any of our fights though?


Isane: I can’t help but feel for them! 


Isane: Being nameless Quincy bait sounds like a miserable existence. 


Soi Fon: I am ashamed for them.


Soi Fon: The only “striking” that should be in the minds of Squad 2 officers is that of a sword into their enemy’s heart.


Kurotsuchi: But why go on strike during a war?


Kurotsuchi: Don’t those imbeciles know that there will soon be many, many vacant seats?


Nemu: Not if you keep zombifying everybody, Mayuri-sama.


Kurotsuchi: As if they’d become captains anyway.


Rukia: Hey! Unseated officers can go really far!


Rukia: Especially if they’re unseated because their brother secretly prevented them from getting a seat!


Rukia: But secretly they are very powerful and keep saving the world!


Rukia:


Rukia: Okay so maybe my situation was special. 


Byakuya: These unseated officers seem to lack a basic understanding of economics.


Byakuya: A strike will only work if we miss them.


Byakuya: Which seems unlikely since they literally never appear in the manga.


Yachiru: Yeah! They should try something more persuasive, like, say, blocking the shipments of hair gel and shampoo or something!


Byakuya:


Byakuya: Please do not become their leader.

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists Rose Kira Komamura Tosen Kenpachi Yumichika Isane Soi Fon Kurotsuchi Nemu Rukia Byakuya Yachiru

128 notes

Bleach characters, where is the heart?


As requested by anon. :)


When Ulquiorra took over Bleach Lists, his list was Bleach characters answering the question that is the title of this post: where is the heart? It is now time to imagine what such a list would look like! So, Bleach characters, Ulquiorra is asking where the heart is! How will you respond?


Ichigo: It’s in your chest!


Ichigo:


Ichigo: Well, not *your* chest since hollows don’t have hearts, but if you’re asking about human hearts, then they’re in the chest!


Byakuya: Kurosaki Ichigo is correct. The heart is in the chest - in the center, under the ribs.


Byakuya: You could find that out in approximately three seconds if you bothered to google. 


Kenpachi: How do you expect to stab anyone correctly if you don’t know where the heart is?


Kenpachi: You should know your enemy!


Kenpachi: Otherwise you might try to stab a guy in the brain when it turns out he’s missing most of it. 


Hitsugaya: If you are talking about *your* heart, Ulquiorra, then it’s your mask.


Hitsugaya: The remnants of a hollow’s heart becomes his mask.


Hitsugaya: So yours is lopsided and horned.


Hitsugaya: Take that as you will. 


Orihime: Um, guys?


Orihime: I’m pretty sure Ulquiorra-kun is talking metaphorically here.


Orihime: You know, using “heart” to mean “human emotion”?


Tatsuki: So….he’s just talking about the brain?


Ishida: Or the liver! Like the ancient Greeks thought!


Tatsuki:


Ishida: What? It’s hard to find the right moment to share that.


Orihime: M-more metaphorical, guys!


Rukia: I get you, Inoue!


Rukia: Kaien-dono once told me that heart is born when people make a connection, and that when you die, your heart is left with your friends!


Rukia: So everyone has as many hearts as they have friends!


Rukia: So in Ulquiorra’s case……


Rukia:


Rukia: Well it’s not like you need more than one heart anyway!


Rose: I think the heart resides in anything you love!


Rose: Friends, yes, but also music, poetry, art - whatever you pour your heart into, there your heart remains!


Kira: I would like some haiku stuffed into my gaping chest wound then.


Rose: Izuru, please, we’re doing metaphors now!


Unohana: In the end, it depends on why the hollow is asking.


Unohana: If he wants to stab the heart, it is in the chest.


Unohana: If he wants to know the source of emotions, it is the brain.


Unohana: If he wants to use metaphors correctly, then “heart” can refer to anything a person loves.


Unohana: There is really one only place the heart never resides.


Unohana: The hand.


Unohana: Like, where does that even come from? Nobody says that.


Ulquiorra:


Ulquiorra: I was this close to making you my heart consultant.


Unohana: I am so devastated. 

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists Ichigo Byakuya Kenpachi Hitsugaya Orihime Tatsuki Ishida Rose Kira Unohana

174 notes

If Orihime and Grimmjow were locked in a room…


As requested by fateh-black. :) And also blackmoonwhitesun98. ;)


[Need more of this series?]


Grimmjow: Hey.

Orihime: Grimmjow!

Grimmjow: Yeah, it’s me.

Grimmjow: So this is weird, huh? 

Grimmjow: The two of us together? Me with both arms? You not tied up and in a sack?

Orihime: And both of us *in* the room! Not me inside and you frantically waving a hand through the door trying to get in like an desperate kitty!

Grimmjow:

Grimmjow: Yeah. Like I said, weird.

Orihime: I’ve actually been meaning to ask you for a while now…why did you tie me up like that? You were taking me to heal Kurosaki-kun. I would have gone willingly!

Grimmjow: I figured you’d get in less trouble if it looked like you were forced to go.

Orihime: That’s so sweet! Really?

Grimmjow: NO!

Grimmjow: I had the rope and the sack and the plan, and I wasn’t gonna NOT use them!

Orihime: So you’re bad at switching plans, huh?

Grimmjow: I prefer to think of it as always following through.

Grimmjow: Like, if I decide to destroy someone, it doesn’t matter if I lose an arm or get demoted or am not strong enough to defeat him!

Grimmjow: I’m not gonna stop trying!

Orihime: That’s pretty inspiring!

Orihime: In, you know, kind of a sad way.

Grimmjow: Sad?

Orihime: Don’t get me wrong! I think I sort of understand!

Orihime: I want something from Kurosaki-kun too, and I don’t know when he’ll ever be ready, but that doesn’t mean I stop trying!

Grimmjow: Did you just compare my desire to kill him with your desire to date him?

Orihime: It’s not like the fans don’t equate the two. A lot.

Grimmjow: Ew.

Orihime: In their defense, you do scream his name a lot.

Grimmjow: Platonically!

Grimmjow: Anyway, enough about that jerk!

Grimmjow: There’s something else I need to say to you!

Orihime: W-what’s that?

Grimmjow: Your new outfit is cool.

Orihime:

Orihime: What?

Grimmjow: Yeah! I always think people should wear as little clothing on their upper body as possible.

Grimmjow: If your stomach doesn’t get to breathe, then it’s not a happy stomach!

Orihime: You, um, don’t have a stomach. Just a hole.

Grimmjow: So you see why I might want people to treasure and show off theirs!

Orihime: T-thank you!

Orihime: I like your new look too!

Grimmjow: You can’t say that. My face hasn’t appeared in the manga yet.

Orihime: Which has to mean that you have some kind of cool new look, right?

Grimmjow: It better!

Grimmjow: Although if Tite Kubo just likes to piss off his fans…well, I get that too.

Grimmjow: Still, I damn well better show up soon!

Grimmjow: It’s been ages!

Orihime: What are you planning to do when you show up?

Grimmjow: Eh. Kill Kurosaki probably.

Orihime: What if he’s in the Royal Realm and there’s nobody around but Quincy?

Grimmjow: Then I guess I could kill them.

Grimmjow: They piss me off too.

Orihime: See…this may be why Urahara hasn’t let you come to Soul Society yet.

Grimmjow: What the hell are you saying? “Let” me?

Grimmjow: You think some stripey shopkeeper can control ME?!

Orihime: He can if he uses duct tape!

Grimmjow:

Grimmjow: Fucking duct tape.

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists Grimmjow Orihime Inoue Orihime

76 notes

Shit the other visored might say (to explain why they keep losing)


"Loser visored" feature requested by berelyn. :)


I’ve already considered what sorts of excuses Shinji might give to explain his recent (well, eternal) losing streak. It is time now to consider what excuses might be given by the other visored. It is a sad fact that whenever the visored have a big battle - whether in fake Karakura Town against the espada or in Soul Society against the Quincy - the visored tend to, well, lose horribly. So, visored, it is time to explain yourselves! What’s up with all the losing? 


1. Rose

  • "It builds suspense if the hero loses his first battle! Or his first five!"

  • "I’m hoping that if I lose enough, Izuru will magically appear to save me."

  • "Okay, so perhaps explaining my power to my enemies causes me to lose. But on the other hand…my power is really cool."

  • "Losing is an art form! And I happen to be very good at art!"

  • "I am simply waiting for the dramatically appropriate moment to win. There is such a thing as aesthetics, you know."


2. Hachigen

  • "Um actually I won my only big battle, thanks."

  • "I"m sure the others are just having bad days!"

  • "But maybe they should try using some kido."

  • "Like I did. When I won my fight."

  • "Against the second strongest espada if anyone is keeping score."


3. Lisa

  • "I got distracted thinking about porn."

  • "You try fighting while two tiny angry people argue behind you."

  • "I was curious to see what would happen if I lost."

  • "I wanted Kyoraku to see how strong I was, but I didn’t want to make him feel TOO bad."

  • "I didn’t exactly *lose* against Halibel. Aizen cockblocked me."


4. Love

  • "If heroes always win, the audience won’t believe the story."

  • "Sometimes these sunglasses make it a little hard to see."

  • "Like you’ve never gotten distracted thinking about the latest Shonen Jump!"

  • " ‘To lose’ is my middle name! Which is unfortunate, given my first name."

  • "Look, I didn’t want to be rehired by Soul Society. Maybe I wanted my resume to look a little bad."


5. Hiyori

  • "I HAVE NEVER LOST A FIGHT!!"

  • "Well, not a fair fight."

  • "The Halibel one doesn’t count because my partners were baldies."

  • "The Aizen one doesn’t count because Ichimaru ‘fuckmelon’ Gin intervened and cut me in half."

  • "And I’m not in Soul Society because only losers agreed to go back there! With results you might expect."


6.
 Mashiro

  • "I know how much Kensei likes to avenge me!"

  • "When you can mask for 15 hours, you gotta be a little careful, lest you destroy all of your co-workers’ souls by being TOO awesome!"

  • "I’m super at everything I do - losing included!"

  • "Sometimes mid-fight I forget that I’m supposed to be winning."

  • "I only lost to Wonderweiss, and you know, so did the head captain basically!"


7. Kensei

  • "I want Shuhei to understand that it’s not whether you win or lose, but whether you USE YOUR FUCKING BANKAI that counts."

  • "I may secretly still be pissed at Soul Society for the whole ‘exile’ thing."

  • "Or maybe I’m just too sad about Yamamoto dying….Soi Fon.”

  • "Last time I saved Hisagi, he got a matching tattoo. I’m too afraid of what the guy will do if I save him again."

  • "Sometimes I get distracted by my own muscles."

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists visored Rose Hachigen lisa Love Hiyori Mashiro Kensei

194 notes

How they’d solve a Rubik’s Cube


As requested by squadron-of-damned. :)


Bleach characters have just been handed a Rubik’s Cube! How will they deal with it?


1. Ishida: Solves it slowly and methodically

Ishida: I’ve studied ALL of the optimal solution algorithms! 


2. Ryuken: Solves it less slowly and more methodically

Ryuken: I only studied the one solution algorithm that works the best.


3. Bazz-B: Sets the cube on fire

Bazz-B: There! All of the faces have the same color!

Bazz-B: Charred black.


4. Nanao: Solves her own cube and also Kyoraku’s

Nanao: He fell asleep while doing it.


5. Ulquiorra: Questions the nature of the cube

Ulquiorra: Why do humans assume that like colors want to be together?

Ulquiorra: What is wrong with a rainbow?


6. Orihime: Uses her powers to reject the cube back to its original solved state

Orihime: Wow, I can’t believe that worked!

Orihime: …I wonder if this would work on math problems.


7. Soi Fon: Takes off the stickers and rearranges them

Soi Fon: It is the solution, not the method, that matters.


8. Ginjo: Tells Ichigo that everybody he loves will die if he doesn’t solve the cube

Ginjo: I prefer to outsource these things.


9. Ichigo: Cannot solve the cube

Ichigo: BOTH SPHERES AND CUBES ARE MY WEAKNESSES

Ichigo: REALLY ANY 3-DIMENSIONAL SHAPE


10. Komamura: Cannot solve the cube

Komamura: Turns out being colorblind is a major disadvantage.


11. Yachiru: Advises Kenpachi on how to solve the cube

Yachiru: Twist the middle one twice! You’re so almost there!

Kenpachi: You’ve been saying that for 19 hours.


12. Grimmjow: Punches the cube a lot

Grimmjow: It will either solve itself or be destroyed!

Tosen: Grimmjow no.

Grimmjow: Grimmjow yes!


13
. Aizen: Solves the cube in 30 seconds with his eyes closed

Aizen: I was going to do it one-handed, but that seemed showy.


14. Urahara: Solves the cube in 30 seconds with his eyes closed, one-handed

Urahara: Oops did I accidentally outdo Aizen?


15. Shinji: Cannot solve the cube

Shinji: WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME LATELY?!


16. Mashiro: Solves the cube in 15 hours

Mashiro: Woo! Fifteen hours!

Kensei: LONGER ISN’T BETTER IN THIS CASE


17. 
Starrk: Unwraps the cube and leaves it

Starrk: It comes solved, people.

Lilinette: THAT DOESN’T COUNT 


18. Kurotsuchi: Turns the cube into a poison-filled bomb

Kurotsuchi: That’s what “solved” means in my book.


19. Unohana: Solves Kurotsuchi’s cube

Unohana: Was there poison?


20. Tosen: Leaves the cube unsolved

Tosen: I sense that it wants to be a rainbow.

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists Ishida Ryuken Bazz-B Nanao Ulquiorra Orihime Soi Fon Ginjo Ichigo Komamura Yachiru Grimmjow Tosen Aizen Urahara Shinji Mashiro Starrk Kurotsuchi Unohana

136 notes

Bleach characters at a Renaissance Fair


Author’s choice list. :)


This is what might happen if Bleach characters attended a Renaissance Fair! 


1. Ishida: Makes elaborate period costumes for himself and all of his friends

Ishida: Please note my awesome cape.

Ishida: My bag is full of spares.

Orihime: Look at how pretty the dress Ishida made for you is, Rukia! I think he still has a thing for you!

Rukia: But seriously how does he know my size?

Ichigo: I think my costume looks a little weird.

Ishida: Kurosaki, WHY are you wearing your sword on your HEAD?

Ichigo: I assumed that’s how you wanted it to be.

Ishida: TAKE IT OFF!


2. Rukia: Gets really into faux-archaic speech

Rukia: Dost thou wish to eateth some hot dogs, fair Inoue?

Orihime: I doth!

Ichigo: I am so walking 15 steps behind you guys so nobody knows I know you.


3. Kenpachi: Misunderstands the nature of the swordplay demonstrations

Kenpachi: The fuck is this?

Kenpachi: You people aren’t even drawing blood.

Kenpachi: Worst fight ever.


4. Ikkaku: Carries around a real sword

Renji: Real swords really aren’t allowed in the human world, dude.

Ikkaku: What are you talking about! There are swords EVERYWHERE around here!


5. Unohana: Is disappointed in the food offerings

Unohana: This so-called turkey leg is dry and uninspiring.

Unohana: I could cook much, much better meat.


6. Riruka: Spends all her time shopping for trinkets

Riruka: Blown glass can be super adorable.

Riruka: Good to know. 


7. Kyoraku: Makes friends with all the drunken, big-bosomed ladies

Kyoraku: Best event EVER!

Nanao: The ONE time he takes me with him…


8. Matsumoto: Rents a costume

Kira: You look great, Rangiku. Where’s Hisagi?

Matsumoto: Considering the corset I’m wearing, I assume he’s still passed out!


9. Aizen: Wears fairy wings

Aizen: BUTTERFLY wings

Gin: That won’t make anybody snigger less, Aizen-sama.


10. James: Spends his entire time at the joust

James:  GOOOOOO RED TEAM!

Mask de Masculine: I’m beginning to feel hurt


11. Jackie: Keeps accidentally activating her fullbring

Jackie: Is it my fault that there is mud EVERYWHERE?


12. Byakuya: Watches the puppet shows

Renji: You’re imagining Admiral Seawed in a Renaissance puppet show now, aren’t you, Captain?

Byakuya: Yes.


13. Nelliel: Has the best centaur-cosplay anyone has ever seen

Nelliel: Think I’ll win the costume contest?

Ichigo: I’m pretty sure that’s cheating!


14. Nnoitra: Spends the whole day at the axe-throwing booth

Nnoitra: I’M PRETTY SURE THESE AXES AREN’T WEIGHTED CORRECTLY


15. Grimmjow: Ends up in the stocks

Grimmjow: I’m sorry, but if you call yourself “king” you gotta EXPECT a challenge!

Grimmjow:

Grimmjow: Could somebody let me out now?

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists Ishida Orihime Rukia Ichigo Kenpachi Ikkaku Unohana Riruka Kyoraku Matsumoto Aizen James Jackie Byakuya Nelliel Nnoitra Grimmjow

79 notes

If Aizen had to replace the espada with other arrancar…


As requested by anon. :)


Disaster has struck in Hueco Mundo! All of the espada are either dead or missing or have resigned. Aizen must now pick 10 new espada using the other arrancar at his disposal. How will he refill the espada ranks, if it were based more on personality and powers than on strength?


#10: The (new) espada of anger: Tesla

Taking Yammy’s place is Tesla. Tesla does not, it is true, seem like a particularly angry guy. He’s pretty level-headed. But on the other hand, his release form makes him much larger, at which point he likes to beat people to death. So 

Tesla: Also just like Yammy, I like to follow an esapda around and interpose myself into his fights, sometimes in an unwelcome fashion.

Yammy: What do you mean unwelcome?


#9: The (new) espada of greed: Dordoni

Taking Aaroniero’s place is Dordoni. Admittedly, they’re pretty different people. But I figured the espada of greed should be somebody who wants a lot and goes after it, and that fits Dordoni. All through his fight with Ichigo, he wanted Ichigo to use his full power. He didn’t want to be shortchanged, as it were. And he was willing to use any means to goad Ichigo into using his bankai.

 Aaroniero: I feel like you lack the desire to eat everything that would truly make you me.

Dordoni: Thank goodness!


#8: The (new) espada of madness: Cirucci

Taking Szayel’s place is Cirucci. It just feels right, somehow: Cirucci has a similar mix of cruelty, perversion and craftiness to that of Szayel. She’s not particularly sciency, but maybe that’s just because she’s never had a lab. I’m sure she’d love to do terrible experiments on Ishida.

Cirucci: YES PLEASE

Szayel: Okay but how do you feel about traps?


#7: The (new) espada of intoxication: Charlotte

Charlotte takes Zommari’s place. But I have to be honest: I have *never* understood how Zommari represents intoxication or what intoxication has to do with aspects of death. So, uh, I’m basing this on the similarities in personality between the two. Zommari is a major control freak: his power literally allows him to take control of his opponent. Charlotte declares that “a princess always gets her way” and that the battle ends when Charlotte says that it ends. Plus, I could see Charlotte representing intoxication: being intoxicated by one’s own beauty and prowess. 

Zommari: But I would never give my attacks super long names. That is the opposite of being fast.

Charlotte: There are more important things than being fast, you know!

Zommari: You hurt me inside.


#6: The (new) espada of destruction: Ggio

Ggio takes over Grimmjow’s spot. Like Grimmjow, Ggio loves fighting and wants to prove his own strength. The two of them revel in destroying their opponents. But also like Grimmjow, Ggio’s downfall is his own self-destructive tendencies. He lets himself get goaded into revealing all of his powers, and then is taken down. 

Grimmjow: My only advice is: pick just the one shinigami you want to be obsessed with, and then pursue that one aggressively forever.

Ggio: Done!


#5: The (new) espada of despair: Loly

Taking Nnoitra’s place is Loly. Loly and Nnoitra have a lot in common: they are angry and violent, and they both have one female who is the main target for their rage. Nnoitra always attacked Nel, and Loly always attacked Orihime. For both, these attacks stem from their own secret feelings of inadequacy: Nnoitra despaired that he was not worthy of being killed, and Loly despaired that Aizen liked Orihime better than her.

Nnoitra: HOW DARE MY PLACE BE TAKEN BY A WOMAN?!?!

Loly: Woo staff meetings with Aizen-sama!


#4: The (new) espada of emptiness: Sung-Sun

Sung-Sun takes Ulquiorra’s place. Ulquiorra was a solitary guy, emotionless and unable to understand humanity. Sung-Sun, unlike Ulquiorra, does have companions: but in a group of three fracciones, she’s always the odd one out. While Apacci and Mila Rose argue, she’s off on her own, making sarcastic comments. And sure she’s loyal to Halibel, but then, so was Ulquiorra to Aizen. Sung-Sun, like Ulquiorra, keeps any emotions she may have buried deep, deep inside - even covering her face with her sleeve to prevent any stray emotion from slipping out. Plus I could totally see her ripping off Ishida’s hand.

Ulquiorra: The next step is to pick an organ to obsess over.

Ulquiorra: The heart is mine, but you could always go for the liver.

Sung-Sun: That is a terrible idea.


#3: The (new) espada of sacrifice: Shawlong

Taking Halibel’s place is Shawlong. Finding an arrancar who’s cool with sacrifice was a little difficult, but I settled on Shawlong. Shawlong was one of Grimmjow’s fracciones, and the one who once asked Grimmjow to please eat them because they were never going to evolve any further. In other words, he was willing to sacrifice himself and his companions, but in a highly calculated way: he figured the sacrifice would benefit everyone. 

Halibel: You lost to Hitsugaya though. 

Shawlong: It was an off day.


#2: The (new) espada of age: Rudbornn

Taking Barragan’s place is Rudbornn. Barragan believed that nothing could withstand his power, and that he himself was immortal, a god. Rudbornn, although not an old dude, had a similar sort of attitude. He believed that because of his cloning abilities, he could never be killed - and he happily sent his clone underlings to his death, showing a similar management strategy to Barragan’s. In the end, of course, they were both proved dead wrong.

Barragan: How can he represent aging? He’s not even old.

Rudbornn: Um hello my face is a skull. 


#1: The (new) espada of loneliness: Kukkapuro

Starrk was defined by his loneliness: he really wanted friends, but he never could manage it. Kukkapuro is the arrancar who best captures this aspect. In all of his scenes, Kukkapuro just wanted cuddles and/or recognition from Yammy, but Yammy refused. Kukkapuro was one lonely puppy, but he never stopped trying.

Starrk: Um I don’t think Aizen would be cool with letting a puppy lead his espada.

Yammy: He let him into his army, didn’t he?

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists espada Tesla Dordoni Cirucci Charlotte Ggio Loly Sung-Sun Shawlong Rudbornn Kukkapuro

123 notes

Bleach (non-romantic) soul mates


Requested by anon. :)


I am a huge fan of the idea of (non-romantic) soul mates. Like, it might be a romantic thing, but it doesn’t have to be. In the case of some of the following soul mate pairs, even knowing each other is not a requirement. Here are some pairs of Bleach characters that I’m pretty sure are soul mates! And yes, since you ask, I AM going for the less obvious pairings here! :)


1. Yumichika & Riruka

Yumichika and Riruka have a strikingly similar life philosophy: they value what is beautiful and/or “clean and cute,” and they are repulsed by what is ugly or dirty. They both have friends, yet also possess a deep loneliness. They are difficult people to really get to know; Yumichika guards his secrets ferociously, and you need “permission” to enter Riruka’s world. 

Ichigo: Oooh, oooh! And they both think *I’m* super cool!

Yumichika: That’s fair.

Riruka: IT IS NOT


2. Grimmjow & Ikkaku

I’ve always thought that Grimmjow and Ikkaku would make great bros. They both love to fight and don’t apologize for it. They both encourage their opponents to fight harder. They both bond with Ichigo by fighting him. Plus, they both know that eyeshadow looks fierce.

Ikkaku: So since Yumichika is my best friend, does that mean Riruka could be Grimmjow’s best friend?

Grimmjow: Uh


3. Matsumoto & Hikifune

I feel like Matsumoto and Hikifune would be best friends if they ever met. They are self-confident, love to have fun, and they are a fan of delicious things. Also, they have a special talent for dealing with tiny angry people.

Matsumoto: Hey, that’s true!

Hikifune: We are the “tiny angry people” whisperers.

Hitsugaya: What

Hiyori: What


4. Sentoki & Yoruichi

This isn’t just about their love of hot springs, it’s also about how much they love to tease people - especially Ichigo. They have a slightly perverted sense of humor, and zero shame about this. I feel like they’d get along well.

Sentoki: I once flung a mostly naked Byakuya through the air.

Yoruichi: I love you.


5. Szayel & Lisa

Szayel and Lisa are both highly inquisitive people, and they both enjoy spying on people to satisfy their curiosity. Sure Lisa just hides under a window while Szayel implants bugs in people, but the basic principle is the same. Plus I feel like they’d have the same taste in fanfiction.

Lisa: Anything?

Szayel: Anything.


6. Rose & Charlotte

Rose and Charlotte are both showy people, who believe that their fights need to be works of art. Charlotte did this through fancy names and poses, Rose through timing and poses. They both have an aesthetic and they won’t compromise it, even if their opponent/partner doesn’t really get it. Plus, I think Rose would be pretty on board with Charlotte’s “inner beauty is true beauty” philosophy.

Charlotte: I LOVE your name!

Rose: Thanks, me too!


7. Tatsuki & Renji

Tatsuki and Renji are both hard, hard workers who want to be the strongest: Tatsuki wants to be the strongest girl in Japan, and Renji wants to beat Byakuya. Yet despite these lofty goals, both of them will always prioritize their friends. 

Renji: Aizen once stabbed me.

Tatsuki: I feel that on a spiritual level.


8. Byakuya & Ryuken 

Byakuya and Ryuken both come across as cold, mysterious assholes when they first appear. For both, this is because they suck at interpersonal stuff and believe that the best way to protect family members is to treat them like crap. Plus, neither can really let go of the past - losing their wives was pretty devastating.

Byakuya: Also we both know that white is an excellent color.

Ryuken: And we hate it when members of the Kurosaki family break into our rooms.


9. Hinamori & Tsukishima

Tsukishima might be a manipulative asshole, but I feel like he and Hinamori could have been friends if Tsukishima had never met Ginjo. Both of them ended up trusting someone who was super bad news - Hinamori with Aizen and Tsukishima with Ginjo. In both cases, this led to them doing some pretty bad stuff. But beyond that - they both love books and cooking, they’ve both sneaky in fights and like to set up traps, and they will kill you if you hurt someone they care about.

Tsukishima: Um Ginjo isn’t bad.

Hinamori: Oh, so you’re still in that state, huh?


10. Chad & Komamura

Chad and Komamura are soul mates partly because they are both the best and most decent guys in Bleach. They are giant, but they use that size to help the people they are loyal to (Ichigo and Yamamoto, respectively) and to protect others. Despite being enormous, they don’t like to be the center of attention. And they’re just so…good.

Komaura: Also, we both have armor power.

Chad: I always knew my soul mate would be a puppy.

Filed under Yumichika Riruka Grimmjow Ikkaku Matsumoto Hikifune Yoruichi Sentoki Szayel Lisa Rose Charlotte Tatsuki Renji Byakuya Ryuken Tsukishima Hinamori Chad Komamura

112 notes

Session notes from Chad’s psych ward doctor


As requested by anon. :)


Hello and welcome to my new Tuesday series, by an overwhelming majority of votes! Already we’ve imagined hat would happen if IchigoByakuya, or Orihime found themselves chatting with a psychiatrist inside a locked psych ward. Now it is Chad’s turn!


Day 1:

Subject: Yasutora “Chad” Sado

Age: 17

Hair color: Brown

Occupation: Student 

There have been a lot of students admitted to this ward recently.

The subject has been missing a lot of class, and his teacher reports that he has “been more withdrawn even than usual, if that’s possible.” I will know more after the intake appointment.


Day 1 Addendum:

Subject does not like to speak. He is cooperative to a degree, but answers my questions using as few words as possible. He will, I think, be a difficult person to get to know. 

For instance, when I asked him what sorts of concerns he has, he answered “Friends.” When I asked him if he was fighting with his friends, he merely said, “Yes.” There may not be a whole lot of elaboration in these sessions.


Day 2:

I asked the subject to tell me more about what he and his friends are fighting about. Subject looked at me in silence for a moment, and then said that he was sorry but I misunderstood. He meant “fighting with” in the sense of “fighting alongside.” Apparently he and his friends are involved in many altercations.

This actually fits the report I received from his teacher: the subject has often been bullied, and made friends with a fellow student who had a similar problem. They have, according to the principal, been involved in many fights in the past. Apparently this is continuing into the present. 


Day 3: 

I asked the subject to tell me in detail about his most recent fight. I added the “in detail” part in the hopes that he might elaborate a bit more. 

He told me that one of his friends, Uryu, recently joined a bad gang, and that the subject and his other friends, Ichigo and Inoue, tried to convince Uryu to leave the bad gang but failed.

I asked him what made Uryu’s gang bad. He said, “Wanting to destroy the universe.” I did not realize that the subject engaged in hyperbole. 

It seems that the subject may be involved in some sort of gang warfare: his own gang, the “good guys” recently lost one of their own to the “bad gang.” The subject is rationalizing this by painting the battle in stark black and white terms. I must get him to see that everybody involved is an individual not a “good guy” or a “bad guy.”


Day 4:

I decided to try a rorschach test today. I showed the subject the image, and he said that it looked like a death skull to him. I asked how that made him feel. He said it made him feel “comforted.”

Subject is involved in gang warfare and finds death skulls to be comforting. He may have an antisocial streak.


Day 5:

I asked the subject to tell me more about his gang, hoping to get an insight as to why he feels that Uryu’s gang is “bad” but his own is “good.” The subject said that he does not consider himself in a gang, although he once rode boars in a boar gang once. He did not elaborate further.

I am a professional, but I admit that this is slightly frustrating. Where on earth do boars come into any of this??


Day 6:

I asked the subject to tell me more about himself and his group of friends. I avoided the word “gang,” as the subject does not seem to like that label. The subject said there is him, his best friend Ichigo, a more recent friend named Inoue, and sometimes a shopkeeper and an adorable cat who can turn into a human.

That last part is a direct quote. The subject identified one of his friends / gang members as a cat-woman shape shifter. I asked if the boars he mentioned the other day also had human forms. He said no. He looked shocked that I would ask.

The subject’s neuroses run much deeper than I realized.


Day 7: 

Today the subject surprised me by asking me a question at the beginning of our session. He asked if I thought his communication skills were lacking. He went on to explain (!!) that once while battling a giant sand monster, his fighting companion complained a lot that the subject didn’t communicate enough. He said that he wondered ever since if that was true.

This is a breakthrough moment. It has finally become clear to me that the subject is subsuming his anxieties and neuroses into elaborate fantasy delusions. He cannot deal with a former gang-member joining a new gang, and so he creates a scenario in which Uryu’s betrayal literally threatens the whole universe. He does not want to think about how a friend said he doesn’t share enough, so he buries that conversation into an elaborate delusion about a fight against a sand creature: a sand creature that represents, of course, his own fear that he is “dry” and does not have enough human emotion. As for the cat-woman shape shifter, she clearly represents the subject’s belief that women are mysterious “others” who cannot be understood.

I feel that I am getting a handle on this case at last!

Except for the boars. I have nothing there.


Day 8:

The subject is opening up more and more. Today he voluntarily said that he wants to talk about his “powers.” He explained that because his mother was attacked by a monster, he has similar powers to the monster (he referred to the monster as a “hollow”). These powers give him the ability to create magical armor on his arms, to fire death rays, and to carve death skulls into the wall. He was quick to reassure me that he does not use these powers for himself, but only uses them to fight for Ichigo.

This is fascinating. It seems that despite the subject’s large and muscular look, he feels deeply vulnerable: hence his desire to have magical armor. His vulnerability may stem from the fact that his mother was attacked by a “monster.” He is also aware that his strength means that he could hurt people: hence the death rays and the death skull. He has dealt with this by deciding that his strength is only valid if used for Ichigo.

I begin to suspect that Ichigo is his gang leader and/or love interest.


Day 9: 

I asked the subject about his medallion today. He said that it was from his grandfather, the man who told him that he had to figure out what the subject’s “strong right arm is for.” He added that Ichigo once promised that he would always fight to the death to protect this medallion because of its importance to the subject.

Definitely love interest, then.


Day 10:

Today the subject announced that he will be checking himself out, because he needs to help his friends drag Uryu back from his “evil” gang. I suggested that he think hard about why he is so convinced that Uryu’s new gang is evil. Subject replied that they are basically Nazis and have killed a lot of people. So fair enough.

As  he left, I asked, “But why the boars though?” He paused for a moment, and then, as he left, he answered, “Nobody knows.”

I will miss this one.

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists Chad Yasutora sado