As requested by music-quotes. :)
Let’s say that all of the Harry Potter characters have died, and that by some weird twist of crossover fate, they have ended up in Soul Society. Oh, and they’re all becoming Soul Reapers. Because yes. So, what squad would each of them end up in?
1. Harry: Squad 11
Not only is Squad 11 full of over-powered characters, but they would be totally cool with Harry constantly sneaking off to do is own thing and break the rules. Because as long as he’s fighting bad guys, Kenpachi would be totally cool with whatever he does.
Kenpachi: But why is your zanpakuto a tiny piece of wood?
Harry: It’s not a zanpakuto. It’s a wand. It’s magic.
Kenpachi: …you brought a kido sword to a Squad 11 fight?
2. Hermione: Squad 8
Mainly because I think she and Nanao would get along really well. Maybe together they could get Kyoraku to work! But I doubt it.
Nanao: And you must join the Women’s Soul Reaper Association!
Hermione: Definitely! I love clubs! Does it have a cool acronym for the name?
Nanao: Um…does WSRA count as cool?
Hermione: …we’ll work on it.
3. Ron: Squad 6
As a member of wizard nobility (you know, pure blood), Ron would suit Byakuya’s standards, and as a poor guy from the middle of nowhere, he’d have something in common with Renji too. Plus Squad 6 is always involved in the story’s main action, so Ron could still be a main character.
Ron: It’s a little sad that Hermione, Harry and I aren’t together any more! Is there much fraternizing between the squads?
Renji: If there’s some kind of big fight or rescue attempt going on, then yeah.
Renji: So that’s basically all the time.
4. Dumbledore: Squad 5
From Aizen to Shinji to Hinamori, Squad 5 is full of doofy and/or harmless looking people who are secretly powerful and/or full of rage. Dumbledore, everyone’s favorite looks-like-a-harmless-old-guy-but-happens-to-be-the-most-powerful-wizard-ever, would fit in well.
Shinji: And if you’re kinda tricky that’s good too.
Dumbledore: Tricky? I’m an old man eating Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavored Beans. Do I look tricky?
Shinji: So there’s this shopkeeper friend of mind I think you should meet.
5. Luna: Squad 9
If Kensei could handle Mashiro, he should be able to handle Luna.
Kensei: DO I JUST ATTRACT STRANGE WOMEN?!
Luna: Strange is good, you know.
Mashiro: WHO ARE YOU CALLING STRANGE?!
Hisagi: …sometimes I miss Tosen.
6. Snape: Squad 3
Snape has the perfect mix of secrecy, cruelty, and sadness to be in Squad 3. Plus he and Gin have…similar back stories.
Kira: Cruel? I wouldn’t say I’m cruel. Is it because I beheaded someone? Because that was ONE TIME.
Snape: And you guys are the good guys?
7. McGonagall: Squad 2
Once Soi Fon learned that there was a new soul reaper who could turn into a cat, she would snatch her up. Then there would be…problems.
McGonagall: Attacking someone from behind? What are we, Death Eaters? Five points from Squad 2!
Soi Fon: THERE’S NO POINT SYSTEM!
8. Voldemort: Squad 12
Voldemort has made a lot of body modifications. Kurotsuchi would be into that. Plus, Squad 12 isn’t a judgmental place.
Akon: So you spent some time as the back of somebody else’s head?
Voldemort: Yeah pretty much.
Akon: Huh. I grew horns once.
Voldemort: …not really equivalent.
9. Ginny: Squad 13
Squad 13 is a pleasant place. I just think Ginny would like it there.
Rukia: Plus we also get to be involved in most of the main action. Or at least I do.
Rukia: We already have a red-haired girl who’s into the main character, but you can come too if you want!
10. Neville: Squad 4
He likes herbs, which is basically healing. Plus I think Unohana would appreciate the secret rage and bad-assery that is latent in Neville.
Unohana: You beheaded a snake once while covered in blood?
Unohana: Reminds me of my days as a young soul reaper.
Neville: You killed snakes?
Unohana: …I’m going to go with ‘yes.’
11. Dobby: Squad 4
Whereas Dobby would be in Squad 4 because of the whole “they do the things nobody else wants to do” aspect.
Hanataro: And next I’ll show you how to clean the sewers!
Dobby: …Dobby’s gonna need another sock.
12. Sirius Black: Squad 7
Sirius can turn into a dog. I think that would appeal to Komamura.
Komamura: I also sense that beneath your rough exterior, lies the heart of a man who cares deeply and is a little cuddly.
Komamura: Fear not - your secret is safe with me.
13. Lupin: Squad 3
Lupin can also turn into a canine. But I think his sadness is too overpowering to put him anywhere but Squad 3.
Kira: Hello and welcome to the Squad of Despair.
Rose: Kira, I told you to stop introducing it that way!!
Lupin: I died in the final climactic battle, along with my wife. I didn’t even get a death scene.
Kira: You will do well here.
14. Cedric: Squad 10
Cedric is good at everything. Hitsugaya would snatch that up so fast.
Hitsugaya: What’s this?
Cedric: My report, captain.
Hitsugaya: It’s not due until tomorrow.
Cedric: I know. I finished it early.
Hitsugaya: LET ME LOVE YOU
15. Draco: Squad 6
Draco would demand to be put in a noble squad. And Byakuya is the noblest captain there is. Draco might be less pleased about the lieutenant though.
Renji: Why? What’s wrong with me?
Byakuya: Answer that with anything other than “Nothing, sir,” and you will be sweeping cookie crumbs from my mansion for the next five years.
Draco: Not the best start.
16. Bellatrix: Squad 11
Crazy and loves fighting? Yes and yes!
Bellatrix: So I heard our captain tries to LIMIT his own power? What’s the deal with that? Seems weird.
Ikkaku: Oh no you didn’t!
Yumichika: You’re just embarrassing yourself, newbie.
Bellatrix: Oh just give me something to kill.
17. Percy: Squad 1
Because Percy would want to go straight for the top.
Sasakibe: There’s no advancement, you know.
Sasakibe: In Squad 1 you will most likely be whatever seat you are right now…forever.
Percy: Unless both of you die?
Sasakibe: Don’t be that guy.
18. Fred & George: Squad 13
Because twins? Ukitake would be all over that! Also I think Ukitake would like Fred and George’s jokes.
Ukitake: You want to open a joke shop here in Soul Society?
Fred: Pretty much, yeah.
George: Is that a problem?
Ukitake: Sounds like a great idea!
19. Hagrid: Squad 7
Hagrid is giant and kind. I think he and Komamura would be good friends.
Hagrid: Uh, captain? Do you think you could stop digging up my garden?
Komamura: My apolgoies.
Komamura: Instincts, you know.
20. Trelawney: Squad 9
Mostly I think it would be funny.
Trelawney: I see…death and destruction in your futures.
Kensei: We’re soul reapers, Hisagi.
Trelawney: And something else…the number…9? And 6?
Kensei: Hisagi it’s on your face.