Bleach Lists

Got a list request? A question? Visit my Ask Blog!

0 notes

Bleach characters! It turns out that Mashiro has been the big bad of Bleach all along! How do you respond?


As requested by anon. :)


In my big bad series, Bleach characters react to the news that some unexpected person has just been revealed as Bleach’s main villain. Today that person is….Mashiro. Bleach characters, everything villainous in Bleach is secretly Mashiro’s doing! Your reactions?


Kensei: W-what?


Kensei: WHAT?!


Kensei:
NOT A-FUCKING-GAIN!


Kensei: WHY IS IT ALWAYS *MY* SUBORDINATES WHO TURN OUT TO BE BACKSTABBING CREEPS?!?


Tosen: Maybe you are a bad captain.


Kensei: YOU SHUT YOUR FACE


Hisagi: I…


Hisagi: I…


Hisagi: I SURVIVED A FIGHT WITH BLEACH’S BIG BAD!


Hisagi: AND I DIDN’T EVEN NEED TO BE RESCUED!


Hisagi: HOO-YEAH!


Kensei: It was a training fight, Shuhei.


Hisagi: And I’m counting it anyway!


Ichigo: Shit! We still haven’t seen her zanpakuto power!


Ichigo: Which probably means it’s super powerful!


Lisa: Also she can mask for fifteen hours at a time.


Ichigo: SHIT 


Gin: Oops I cut the wrong visored in half.


Soi Fon: Well. How shocking that Bleach’s main villain is one of Urahara’s friends!


Hiyori: I always knew there was something off about Mashiro!


Hachigen: But I thought….that she was one of my friends.


Yamamoto: Looks like it wasn’t a mistake to exile those guys after all.


Yamamoto: Validated!


Yhwach: It was, however, a mistake to invite them back with open arms.


Yamamoto:


Yamamoto: You should talk. You just got upstaged by a partially hollow shinigami.


Yhwach: Inevitable really. 


Aizen: I would just like to point out that I hollowfied her.


Aizen: And therefore everything in Bleach is still my doing.


Mashiro: Right…


Mashiro: Because I just happened to go out into those woods.


Mashiro: And just happened to find the empty uniforms.


Mashiro: And just happened to be one of the first ones hollowfied.


Mashiro: No way that was my plan all along!


Mashiro: Because nobody ever acts different than the way they really are!


Aizen:


Kensei: You mean the way you always annoyed me - that was just an act?


Mashiro: Huh?


Mashiro: No that was the best part!


Kensei: I HATE EVERYTHING 

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists Mashiro Kuna Mashiro Kensei Tosen Hisagi Ichigo Lisa Gin Soi Fon Hiyori Hachigen Yamamoto Yhwach Aizen

68 notes

If Bleach Lists Girl and As Nodt were locked in a room…


As requested by boos-clues. :)


In my locked in a room series, I stick two characters in a room with a “no fighting” rule and see what happens. This week, it is time for the fear Quincy, As Nodt, to meet up with me, Bleach Lists Girl. How would that conversation go?


As Nodt: Hello.

BLG:

BLG: Hi?

As Nodt: I heard you can help me.

As Nodt: I’m so lonely.

BLG: I am really *not* much of a hugger, so…

As Nodt: I heard you like to set up Bleach characters. Romantically.

As Nodt: And that you’ll set up anyone with anyone.

As Nodt: Will you set someone up for me?

As Nodt: Because lonely.

BLG: Oh!

BLG: Um

BLG: Dude, if you’re talking about my blog, there’s like a seven-month wait.

As Nodt: That is all right.

As Nodt: I’m dead, so what’s the rush?

BLG: You’re, um, being way more polite than I expected.

BLG: You’re not going to try to be my greatest fear or anything?

As Nodt: That depends on where you stand on the “setting me up” question.

BLG:

BLG: Well, uh, what sort of person are you interested in?

As Nodt: Hisagi.

BLG: What

As Nodt: Hisagi Shuhei.

BLG: Oh no

As Nodt: My spiky-haired fear pumpkin.

BLG: Pumpkin?

As Nodt: It is an endearment.

As Nodt: I can offer all that and more.

BLG: Is there any point in me saying that you guys never met?

As Nodt: That has never stopped you before.

BLG: How about in pointing out that you’re not exactly his type?

As Nodt: What is that supposed to mean?

As Nodt: I am pro-fear. He is pro-fear.

As Nodt: He likes big smiles. I have a big smile.

As Nodt: He likes to play guitar. I like things that are scary.

As Nodt: How are we not a perfect pair?

BLG: Um

As Nodt: Or, if not him, at least Starrk.

BLG: You and Starrk weren’t even in the same arc!

As Nodt: Again I point out that that has never stopped you.

BLG: Curse my openness to multi-shipping!

As Nodt: Starrk is lonely. I am lonely.

As Nodt: Starrk is dead. I am dead.

As Nodt: Plus I have always wanted a puppy.

As Nodt: See? I have given you options.

As Nodt: Now you have no reason to refuse me.

As Nodt: Make this happen.

BLG: You seem to have vastly overrated my power.

BLG: My limit is literally “writing about you guys together.” I can’t actually set you up!

As Nodt:

As Nodt: Your zanpakuto power isn’t shipping?

BLG: I’m not a shinigami.

As Nodt: What are you?

BLG: Nothing. Just a human.

As Nodt: So you’re basically useless?

BLG: I can be funny…

As Nodt:

As Nodt: So are you still terrified of giant radioactive spiders, or..?

BLG: THAT’S IT LIST OVER

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists As Nodt BLG

119 notes

If there was an overnight snowstorm in Hueco Mundo…


As requested by duende71. :)


Today we’re going to imagine that the Hueco Mundo crew wakes up one morning to find the whole dessert blanketed in smooth white snow. How will each of them react?


Yammy: The fuck?


Yammy: What’s this white stuff, Ulquiorra?


Yammy: I don’t like it. Can I kill it?


Ulquiorra: You cannot kill snow, Yammy.


Ulquiorra: Seriously, do you never read any of the intel that Aizen-sama gives us about the world of the living?


Ulquiorra: This “snow” is a type of human weather.


Ulquiorra: The humans use it to build effigies of each other out of snow so that they can watch their enemies slowly melt in agony when the sun comes out.


Ulquiorra:


Ulquiorra: Some of that may be my own speculation. 


Starrk: Cool. Snow day. Time to sleep in.


Lilinette: LIKE YOU WOULDN’T BE DOING THAT ANYWAY!


Aaroniero: Sun….reflecting…off…snow….worst….day….ever….!


Charlotte:
Luckily for me, I look positively delicious in snow gear!


Charlotte: Just look at these sparkly mittens!


Luppi: Two mittens? How lame. Behold my TEN MITTENS!


Grimmjow:  Why do either of you have any mittens at all when it has literally never snowed here before?


Charlotte: SOME of us care more about fashion than utility, Grimmjow!


Luppi: Yeah, seriously!


Grimmjow: WE LIVE IN A DESSERT


Apacci: Ha ha you fools! Thanks to Halibel, we already inner tubes!


Mila Rose: We’re gonna be sledding while the rest of you are still trying to figure out what snow boots are!


Sung-Sun: Gloating is so uncouth.


Sung-Sun: But we are basically winning the snow day.


Ggio: Anybody up for a snowball fight?


Nnoitra: flarg arg targ marg arg


Halibel: Wow. You just immediately got your tongue frozen to something, didn’t you?


Halibel: I guess with the size of your tongue, it was inevitable.


Nnoitra: FLARG ARG


Zommari: Everything is so quiet under the blanket of snow.


Zommari: This is a perfect day for some hardcore meditation.


Nel: THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF NEL’S LIFE


Nel: SHE CAN’T WAIT TO GO SLEDDING AND GET FROZEN TOES!!


Nel: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH


Zommari: Never mind. 

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists Yammy Ulquiorra Starrk Lilinette Aaroniero Charlotte Luppi Grimmjow Apacci Mila Rose Sung-Sun Ggio Nnoitra Halibel Zommari Nel

259 notes

Shit Ichigo and Rukia might say (when they meet up again)


As requested by anon. :)


This list was aaaaalmost made obsolete when Ichigo and Rukia nearly crossed paths; luckily, Renji was there. As it is, Ichigo and Rukia have still not had their big reunion! So what sorts of things might be said when they do meet?


Ichigo: R-Rukia!

Rukia: Hello, Ichigo!

Rukia: Why do you always look so surprised when I show up?

Rukia: Aren’t you used to me coming through yet?

Ichigo: You always show up in such surprising ways!

Ichigo: Windowsills! Back stabbing! And now this!

Rukia: Um this time I literally just strolled up behind you, tapped you on the shoulder, and said your name.

Ichigo: Yeah, but you tapped my left shoulder even though you were on the right!

Rukia: Yeah and I really can’t believe that worked.

Rukia: You’re *really* not perceptive, are you?

Ichigo: I’m plenty perceptive!

Ichigo: I notice that you have a bankai now! Your spiritual pressure feels different.

Rukia: It’s true - I do have bankai now!

Rukia: A super awesome, powerful, clad-type bankai!

Ichigo: Sounds ‘cool.’

Rukia:

Ichigo: Because I assume it’s ice related.

Rukia:

Ichigo: And ice is cold.

Rukia: I GET IT

Ichigo: But seriously, congratulations!

Ichigo: You definitely deserve it!

Rukia: And what about you? What new powers have you added since the hot springs?

Ichigo:

Rukia: Why are you blushing?

Ichigo:

Rukia: Ichigo, you fool! Are you seriously embarrassed because we were in the hot springs together?

Rukia: I was unconscious, you know! I didn’t see anything!

Ichigo: Right!

Ichigo: Unconscious! 

Ichigo: Saw nothing!

Ichigo: Nothing because unconscious!

Rukia: …

Ichigo: Soanywaymydadtoldmeaboutmypast

Rukia: Really? It’s about time!

Ichigo: Yeah, all about how he and my mom met and how Mom was a Quincy and how he’s the former captain of Squad 10 and a Shiba noble and 

Rukia: WHAT

Ichigo: Oh right I guess this would be the first you’re hearing of it.

Rukia: YOU’RE A SHIBA?

Ichigo: Well I guess technically…

Rukia: HOW IS KAIEN RELATED TO YOU?

Ichigo: He was my cousin…

Rukia:

Rukia:

Rukia: I killed your cousin?

Rukia: I KILLED your cousin?

Rukia: I killed your COUSIN??

Rukia: TWICE?!

Ichigo: I SAW YOUR BUTT IN THE HOT SPRINGS

Rukia: …

Rukia: Wait, what?

Ichigo: I saw your butt in the hot springs!

Ichigo: I didn’t mean to!

Ichigo: It sorta bobbed by!

Ichigo: But it was very nice!

Ichigo: And I’m only telling you because you seemed to be getting upset and I wanted to distract you but now that I’m shouting about your butt it seems like maybe a bad idea!

Ichigo: And also come on I’ve heard the story you didn’t murder my cousin it was the right thing to do!

Ichigo: Since I’m Shiba too I think I can tell you it’s all right!

Ichigo: Also I’m sorry about shouting about your butt!

Rukia:

Rukia:

Rukia: Well, at least, in all of this, there’s still one constant.

Rukia: You’re a dork, Ichigo.

Ichigo: I AM NOT

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists Ichigo Rukia Ichiruki

302 notes

Bleach characters’ first words


Author’s choice list :)


Not gonna lie. I got this idea from the meme thing currently making the round of tumblr, about babies saying unexpected things as their first words. Got me wondering about what Bleach characters’ first words were. So here we go!


1. Byakuya

Baby Byakuya: P…..P……

Dad: Papa???

Baby Byakuya: P…Pride!

Dad:

Dad: Well you are a Kuchiki after all.


2. Kira

Baby Kira: D….D…..

Dad: Daddy???

Baby Kira: D…D…Despair!

Baby Kira: [smiles]

Dad: Uh-oh.


3. Lisa

Baby Lisa: D….D…

Dad: Daddy???

Baby Lisa: D…Dicks!

Mom: Oh no our baby is a pervert.


4. Kenpachi

Baby Kenpachi: F…..F….

Mom: Friend? Is that bunny your friend?

Baby Kenpachi: FIGHT!!!!

Mom: W-where did that eyepatch come from??


5. Yachiru

Baby Yachiru: B….B….

Mom: Baby? Are you a baby?

Baby Yachiru: Blood!

Baby Yachiru: [giggling]

Mom: Um


6. Ichigo

Baby Ichigo: P…P…

Isshin: I think he’s trying to say ‘Papa!’

Baby Ichigo: P…P…Protect!

Masaki: Awwww!


7. Ishida

Baby Ishida: K…K…

Ryuken: That had better not be your mother’s name that you are trying to say.

Baby Ishida: K…K…

Katagiri: I think it’d be cute if he were!

Baby Ishida: K…K….Kwincy!

Ryuken: Oh no


8. Bambietta

Baby Bambietta: eh….eh…

Mom: Um are you crying or…?

Baby Bambietta: eh…eh…EXPLODE!

Mom: YOUR DOLL!


9. Ulquiorra

Baby Ulquiorra (waving hand): H….H…

Dad: That’s right! It’s a hand!

Baby Ulquiorra (waving hand): H…H….Heart!

Dad:

Dad: Uh oh our baby is bad at anatomy.


10. Kensei

Baby Kensei: S….S…

Mom: I got nothing, son. What are you trying to say?

Baby Kensei: S….S….Six….

Mom: Wow! Counting already!

Baby Kensei: Six….and…..nine….

Mom:

Mom: Oh no our baby is either a pervert or bad at counting.


11. Hitsugaya

Baby Hitsugaya: C….C….

Grandma: Why Toshiro! Are you ready to speak?

Baby Hitsugaya: C…C….

Grandma: You can do it, little baby!

Baby Hitsugaya: That’s CAPTAIN BABY to you!

Grandma: What

 
12. Ukitake

Baby Ukitake: M…M….

Mom: Are you trying to say Mommy??

Baby Ukitake: Trying to say Mommy!

Mom: Was that a sentence??

Baby Ukitake: A sentence!

Mom: You’re really good at imitating, aren’t you?

Baby Ukitake: Good at imitating!

Mom: You’re gonna go far, kid.

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists Byakuya Kira Lisa Kenpachi Yachiru Ichigo Ishida Bambietta Ulquiorra Kensei HItsugaya Ukitake

139 notes

Bleach Body Swap: The Sequel


As requested by flyingangelz. :)


Previously on Bleach Lists, I used a random number generator to pair up Bleach characters and then imagined that those two had swapped bodies! Now it is time for a sequel! Once again I will choose pairs of Bleach characters randomly, and then imagine would would happen if they switched bodies!


1. Shinji and Aaroniero

Shinji: T-two heads…

Shinji: Two shrunken heads…

Shinji: And a tentacle hand…

Shinji: The pool of women who will sleep with me just went WAY down!

Aaroniero: EWWW WHAT THE FUCK I ONLY HAVE ONE HEAD? GROSS!

Shinji: Wait, why are you more upset than me?


2. Chad and Karin

Karin: I-I’m enormous….

Karin: Just let those boys try to take the soccer field from me now!

Chad: Ichigo might be mad about this.


3. Ggio and Hichigo

Ggio: Where the fuck am I?

Ggio: Why are all these buildings sidways?

Ggio: Who’s the old guy standing on the sword?

Ggio: What the FUCK is happening?!

Hichigo: Fuck yeah saber toothed tiger mask!

Hichigo: Time to go find the king.


4. Rukia and Byakuya

Byakuya: Rukia, I will protect your body with my life.

Byakuya: I swear it upon my pride, I will…

Rukia: I feel so tall and elegant!

Rukia: So classy!

Rukia: I knew being Nii-sama would be awesome!

Rukia: Ooooh, let’s prank Renji!

Byakuya: …or we can go that route.


5. Orihime and Hanataro

Orihime: I-I’m…

Orihime: ADORABLE

Hanataro: Wow, these powers will make my job so much easier!

Hanataro: I-I might reach sixth seat after all!


6. Yoruichi and Abirama

Abirama: Fuck yeah new body!

Abirama: I’m  PUMPED to see what it can do!

Yoruichi: A bird dude with heavy metal wings?

Yoruichi: I guess I have to start wearing clothes.


7. Grimmjow and Nemu

Grimmjow: What the hell is this?

Grimmjow: I’m tiny! Unmuscular! 

Grimmjow: I’m wearing a SHIRT

Nemu: I should tell Mayuri-sama about this immediately.

Nemu: I imagine there are some experiments he will want to run.

Grimmjow: YOU LEAVE MY BODY ALONE


8. Yammy and Isane

Isane: NOOOOOOO

Isane: I can’t be TALLER

Yammy: I’m so fucking tiny!

Yammy: Fuck this!


9. Kiyone and Ikkaku

Kiyone: Dangit! I wanted to be in Ukitake’s body!

Ikkaku: Um

Ikkaku: I was going to comment on my new look

Ikkaku: But I think I’ll just look askance at you for a while.


10. Ishida and Katagiri

Katagiri: Wow, being a young Quincy again…

Katagiri: Brings back memories.

Ishida: So I’m my mom now?

Ishida: Well at least I’ll know what it’s like to have my dad look at me with affection.

Katagiri: Uryu!


11. Ulquiorra and Tessai

Tessai: Boss! I thought we agreed!

Tessai: I won’t be part of any experiments that require me to lose my glorious mustache!!

Ulquiorra: My hollow hole is gone…

Ulquiorra: Does this mean i have a heart?


12. Gin and Keigo

Keigo: Aaaaaaah!

Keigo: I’m that guy! That guy who was chasing us!

Keigo: That creepy guy who was chasing us!!

Gin: Not quite the reincarnation I hoped for.


13. Kyoraku and Szayel

Kyoraku: Thank goodness! Still pink!

Szayel: So I’m the head captain now, am I?

Szayel: Time to give some new orders to Squad 12.

Kyoraku: …my relief is shortlived.


14. Matsumoto and Sung-Sun

Matsumoto: Oh, come on!

Matsumoto: Why do I have to be one of these jerks?

Sung-Sun: I am not happy either.

Sung-Sun: I do not wish to follow a grumpy tiny man.

Matsumoto: Oh. It’s on.


15. As Nodt and Starrk

As Nodt: I feel so….lonely

As Nodt: A loneliness I never felt before!

As Nodt: MY MIND IS FILLED WITH A YAWNING EMPTINESS OF PAIN!

Starrk: Eh.

Starrk: Sleep it off.

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists Shinji Aaroniero Chad Karin Ggio Hichigo Rukia Byakuya Orihime Hanataro Yoruichi Abirama Grimmjow Nemu Yammy Isane Kiyone Ikkaku Ishida Katagiri Ulquiorra Tessai Gin Keigo Kyoraku Szayel Matsumoto Sung-Sun

110 notes

Shit Shinji might say (to explain why he keeps losing)


Shinji feature requested by anon. :)


Shinji (and the other visored) have had a bad run lately. They just keep losing their fights. Over and over again. Now it’s time for Shinji to explain why this is! So here are some things he might say to his fellow shinigami, to explain why he and the other visored just keep on losing!


1. “Sorry. I left my mask in my other pants.”


2. “Oops! I keep forgetting that I’m on Soul Society’s side now!”


3. “Oh, am I supposed to win? I keep getting that backwards!”


4. “Look, I tried yelling for Ichigo, but he didn’t show up fast enough.”


5. “My slanted bangs keep throwing off my perspective.”


6. “If winning is so great, then why aren’t the rest of you doing it?”


7. “I’m just too sad about the head captain dying.”


8. “I’m hoping that if I keep losing, my lieutenant will spontaneously develop bankai. It worked for Kensei! I think. Maybe.”


9. “Sorry, I got distracted by how hot my opponent was.”


10. “Look, I may be out of practice, but you guys are the ones who exiled me and CAUSED me to be out of practice!”


11. “We visored saved you guys in fake Karakura Town. I’m just letting you all return the favor!”


12. “We visored believe in doing everything together. Losing included.”

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists Shinji Hirako Shinji visored

186 notes

How Aizen could have accomplished his goals (without being a dick about it)


As requested by anon. :)


We don’t quite know what Aizen’s ultimate goal is, but we have some idea. He wants to reach the Royal Realm and take down the Soul King. Also he needed the hogyoku for some reason and he likes to cross the boundaries between soul reaper and hollow. But what if Aizen decided to accomplish all those goals in a nice way? How might he go about that? Here are some ideas!


1. Gets the hogyoku from Rukia without hurting her

Instead of trying to get Rukia executed to get the hogyoku, Aizen just uses the other method from the get-go. He just walks up to Rukia, reaches inside her with tree trunk hands, and grabs the hogyoku. No elaborate plan necessary!

Aizen: Kuchiki, close your eyes. I want to show you a magic trick.

Rukia: Um, okay, but only because those glasses make you look trustworthy.

Aizen: Well that was simple.


2. Creates the espada but doesn’t do anything with them

If Aizen wanted to push the boundaries between hollow and shinigami, he could just skip the visored (who didn’t like being experimented on) and go straight to the espada (who seemed mostly okay with their cool new powers). And then just let them be, rather than conquering them and using them as his army of evil. Since (let’s face it) the espada didn’t do much for Aizen’s plan overall.

Aizen: And now you are a bat with a sword!

Aizen: I have attached a tracking device to your ear.

Aizen: Be free!

Ulquiorra: Um……….okay.


3. Jaywalks while saying nasty things about Central-46

Which I assume is enough to get thrown into prison but not exiled. This assumes, of course, that prison is exactly where Aizen wants to be (for some reason).

Aizen: Wow. Who knew jaywalking had a 20,000 year sentence?


4. Works really hard and gets promoted to Royal Guard

Or Aizen could just skip all of that, stay in Soul Society, and work hard to be promoted to the Royal Guard. I mean, the main thing you have to do is invent something cool, right? Aizen should be able to do that in his sleep!

Aizen: I have created a new life form!

Aizen: Mostly it just sits in your hand and goes ‘fweep.’

New life form: Fweep!

Aizen: So….promotion?


5. Uses his shikai to pretend to work really hard and get promoted.

Of course, Aizen wouldn’t even have to invent anything. He could just use his shikai to pretend to have invented something. Which is a little dickish, I guess, but at least it doesn’t involve stabbing Hinamori.

Aizen: Before I show you all my invention, I want you to just look at how cool my sword looks in this light.

Aizen:

Aizen: Okay now I’m ready to show you my invention.


6. Makes friends with Ichigo, waits for Quincy, and gets injured

If Aizen is really as good at predicting the future as he claims, then he could have just cozied up to Ichigo and waited for the Quincy. After all, people who are Ichigo’s friends have a high likelihood of getting sent to the Royal Realm for healing. If Aizen had just waited, he could have been in that hot spring with Byakuya, Renji, and Rukia!

Aizen: But little do you know, these wound are FAKE!

Sentoki: Well I kinda know now…


7. Joins the Quincy

Or Aizen could just wait for the Quincy to show up and straight-up join them. He’s powerful. The Quincy probably would have said yes.

Yhwach: Cool. You can be Quincy ‘A’.

Ishida: Hey!


8. Starts a movement

Aizen could also just share with everyone his intel about the Soul King and see if they just agree to help him of their own accord.

Aizen: And for all of those reasons and more, the Soul King is bad news! We must take him down!

Urahara: Meh.

Soi Fon: [shrugs]

Kyoraku: He’s probably cool on the inside.

Aizen: GUYS


9. Dyes his hair orange

Just in case it makes the Soul King fall in love with him and invite him to the Royal Realm.

Aizen: I also love Shakespeare and chocolate, if that makes a difference.


10. Asks Ichigo for help

Or Aizen could just go to Ichigo and say words to the effect of, “Hey, do you mind if I help you develop your full potential so that you can take down an evil king who is going to doom us all?”

Ichigo: Sure!

Aizen: No wonder Urahara likes this kid.

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists Aizen Sosuke Aizen